AfterWords

by Rebekah

If you're looking for a sensible, strongly plotted action piece, I urge you to continue your search elsewhere. This ain't it. If you have not yet seen the Xena: Warrior Princess episode entitled, "The Quest," you may want to hold off reading the following strictly-personal, my-own-nobody-else's, wish-I-might-have-seen-it, extended fantasy epilogue to that episode. First of all, it contains spoilers. Second, it probably won't make much sense!

The action, such as it is, takes place directly after the last fadeout of "The Quest." The characters have no knowledge of Things That Are Not Exactly As They Seem (give me a break, I'm trying to avoid spoilers here in the introductory remarks) or of events depicted in "A Necessary Evil" (mostly because the author doesn't know much more at this point than what she saw in the preview).

You have been warned, so no whining.

"AfterWords" (February 6, 1997; revised May 11, 1997)

© Copyright 1997 by Rebekah

Xena: Warrior Princess and the names, titles, and backstory used in "AfterWords" are the sole property of Universal. The author intends no copyright infringement through the writing of this fan fiction.

This story may not be sold and may be archived at public sites only with direct permission from the author. Any archive must carry this entire copyright statement.

"Xena?" Ephiny called softly. "Is it all right to ... uh ... come in?" She smiled as the warrior looked up and nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"Um ... OK, I guess. Sort of odd ... like I don't quite fit inside here anymore." Xena grinned crookedly at Ephiny and gestured for her to sit down. "Shouldn't complain though ... after everything, I've ended up with a little headache. And I'm tired."

"Hmm, I don't wonder!" Ephiny sat cross-legged on the ground facing her two friends. "This dying and coming back business ... I don't know ...." She shook her head.

"I'm not exactly sure I do, either, now that it's over." The rasping slowed. "I ... I've got to think everything through before ... I mean, if I'm ever to be able to explain it to ..." She glanced at the sleeping girl. " ... anyone."

"Oh, I wasn't looking for an explanation, Xena! At least, not right now ..." Ephiny sat up a little straighter, gulped a couple of times, and averted her eyes slightly before she continued.

"Er, Xena ... I ... I just wanted you to know that I was only trying to help Gabrielle when I suggested that she allow us to give ... you ... this is so strange, talking to you about this ..." The Amazon looked up to see amused blue eyes looking back. "Uh ... anyway, when I suggested that she allow us to give you an Amazon funeral. If I'd had ANY idea of the trouble it would cause ... " She let her voice trail off helplessly and threw her hands up in despair of the whole, bizarre situation.

"Ephiny, it's all right." Xena felt a sudden, great fondness for this feisty, fiery woman. "I know about the situation with Melosa ... gods, I'll miss her! ... and I know exactly what you were trying to do for Gabrielle personally. I will always be grateful to you for being such a good friend to her when she was so ... alone." Xena took a deep breath, savoring the feeling of air rushing into her lungs before she spoke again. "I was DEAD, Ephiny. It was sensible to try to get Gabrielle to move on with her life. It's what I would want her to do ... normally. Thank you, my friend."

Ephiny nodded once in acknowledgment. "Uh, you probably should eat something, you know ... and Gabrielle was really irritated that you wouldn't drink much water. She kept mumbling something about breaking your own rules?"

Xena laughed. "Yes, I've pounded into her how important water is to the healing process. She's right, I should drink more and probably right away, if we have any handy ..." She stopped as Ephiny thrust her own waterskin forward. "Thanks." She took a long drink and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand as she handed the container back to the Amazon. "I was just ... confused, I guess. I decided to do something familiar, something not very taxing, just to try to relax and get used to myself again." She nodded toward the sharpening stone. "I'm gonna have to stop soon, though, or I'll have to get a new sword."

"I'd be happy to have you do mine, if you like!" Ephiny laughed and began to draw her weapon.

"Uh, no ... no, thanks. That's really nice of you, Eph, but I think I'll pass." Xena waved her off with a grin.

"About eating," Ephiny continued as she let the sword settle back into its sheath, "we've managed to get some quail and we have trail rations. Really, Xena, don't you think you should ..."

"Yes, definitely. Just let me wake Her Majesty here ..."

"Oh, wait, Xena ... do you have to?" Ephiny's tone surprised the warrior. "Can't you just sort of ... uh ... put her down on the ground and let her sleep?"

"Well, I suppose so, but I thought the meal was ready ... and she really needs something, too, you know ... she's had a rather rough day ..." Xena looked down at the sleeping girl again.

"Yes, I know she has, but ... um, I could bring you your meal right here ... unless, of course, you're uncomfortable sitting like that." Ephiny looked at Xena, then at Gabrielle.

"No, I don't feel too bad, but if she doesn't move pretty soon, she's gonna have my armor permanently imprinted on her cheek!" Xena chuckled softly and brushed some hair away from Gabrielle's face. When she heard no answering laughter, Xena looked up.

"Is there something you want to tell me, Ephiny?"

"Well, it's just that ..." Ephiny looked at Gabrielle again, then back at the warrior. "It's just so good to see her sleeping that way. She ... she almost looks like the Gabrielle I remember ... so peaceful, so ... happy ..." Ephiny realized her eyes were welling up with tears in front of someone who wasn't much for that sort of stuff. Funny thing was, neither was she, usually.

"Ephiny?" Xena's strained whisper broke into her reverie.

"Xena, she hasn't been sleeping well ... not since you were hurt, actually. When she came to our village a couple of days ago, she stayed in my hut and would fall asleep in total exhaustion, just to wake sweating and screaming a little while later ..." Ephiny looked up to see Xena's eyes close. "It would happen over and over, all night long ..."

"Did she ever tell you what she was dreaming?" Xena kept her eyes closed.

"She did eventually, though she didn't really have to ... she kept screaming, 'Xena, no!' over and over. She was dreaming about that log-trap thing and that strange warrior priest ... the trip up Mount Nestos and you just giving ..." Ephiny stopped as Xena sighed and rubbed her hand across her eyes. "Xena, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ..."

"No, it's OK. We ... we've got a lot to talk about." The warrior continued to stare at her sleeping friend. "I ... she's never had trouble sleeping before."

"Looks like maybe she'll be all right now?" Ephiny asked with a little hope in her voice.

"Maybe ..." Xena hesitated briefly. "Truthfully, Ephiny, I don't want to leave her right now, even for a few minutes ... I ... I want her with me ..." Her voice cracked a little, surprising Ephiny, who had thought the warrior was merely tolerating the girl's sleepy affection.

"That's OK, Xena, I understand," whispered the Amazon gently. "Tell you what, just wake her and come over there to eat with all of us when you're ready." Ephiny brightened, jumped to her feet, and stopped briefly to lay her hand on Gabrielle's head. "I dunno what's gonna happen tomorrow, but we're gonna have a feast tonight!" Hesitantly, she turned to Xena. "I'm glad you're back ... my son will be glad, too!" Xena smiled as the Amazon went back around the corner to the main camp.

"Gabrielle? Gabrielle! C'mon now, it's time to get up!" Xena stopped as she realized she was using her normal "it's morning" speech. She brushed the hair from her friend's face again and reached to shake her shoulder gently. "Gabrielle?"

Suddenly, the young woman jerked awake, stiff and wide-eyed. She grabbed Xena's arm reflexively.

"Xena!" Gabrielle gasped and looked around wildly. "Xena?"

"I'm right here, Gabrielle." Xena spoke in a low, calm voice. Her throat thickened as she saw Gabrielle turn swiftly to the sound of her voice and light up with joy at the sight of her.

"Of ... of COURSE you're right here." Gabrielle breathed deeply several times and tried to sound casual. "You're right here. Of course you are."

"No, not OF COURSE ... just ... I'm right here." Xena patted the girl's arm. "You were just getting used to the idea that I was gone. It'll take awhile for you to ..." She stopped when she saw Gabrielle's stricken look and bowed head ... and decided to change the subject.

"Gabrielle, how does your leg feel now?"

The young woman's head snapped up. "M-my leg?"

"Your LEG, Gabrielle ..." Xena said patiently. "The one that was hurting you so much during the fight today."

"How ... how did you know about ... oh, yes, you'd know because ..."

"... I was IN there with you, yes." Xena arched an eyebrow, getting a big, happy grin in response. "What's funny?" the warrior demanded, a bit irritably.

"Not ... not funny, just ... wonderful!" Gabrielle kept grinning. "I didn't think I'd ever see you do that again ..." Her grin faded. "Xena? About that fight?"

"Yeah?"

"I ... that is, did *I* ... kill ... Velasca?"

Xena stared at the girl. "I don't know what to tell you, Gabrielle. It was your hand, not mine, that cut the rope. If you go with the theory that your physical body is responsible for your actions, then yes, I ... guess ... you ... did." Xena sounded calm but looked angry. "On the other hand, you didn't have control of your body. I did. You didn't have any chance to make the decision. I did. You couldn't have stopped me, so ..."

"But, Xena ... I ... I didn't WANT to stop you. I didn't TRY to stop you. So ... so ..." Gabrielle looked at the warrior in utter confusion.

"Gabrielle, I honestly don't know what to tell you." Xena suddenly looked very sad and very tired.

"Well ... honestly ... I don't think you CAN tell me, Xena." Gabrielle shook her head. "Guess I gotta work this one out on my own."

"I wouldn't mind hearing what you come up with." Xena gave a slight smile as the girl nodded. "And stop trying to change the subject. How's the leg?"

"It aches, but it will be all right ... and you know it."

"What I DON'T know," Xena growled somewhat testily, "is exactly how you got hurt ... it felt like a deep, half-healed stab wound. It was nasty, like it had been infected. In all the excitement, I couldn't tell ... what happened?" She looked down expectantly.

Gabrielle decided that now was no time to be coy. "I got it when that damned priest-thing hit you with that log trap. You were lying there ... helpless ... and that ... that ... ANIMAL ..." She stuttered with incoherent rage at the thought of the attack, only coming to herself when Xena put a hand on her cheek.

"Gabrielle, don't. Don't do this to yourself. It's over. OK? It's over."

"I ... I don't know when it's going to be over for me." Xena's eyes misted slightly as Gabrielle attempted again to breathe deeply. "He tried to finish you off with the absolute biggest knife I've ever seen. I ran up in time to knock him aside, but he turned and stabbed me in the leg before I could knock him out. It hurt like Hades and bled all over the ..." She stopped suddenly, aware that Xena had turned away from her. She tried to lighten the moment. "Pretty clumsy, huh? I shouldn't have let him get that close ..." She stopped talking, unsure that Xena was listening.

"It was NOT clumsy, Gabrielle ... that man was a cunning fighter. He beat me, remember."

"No, he did not BEAT you ... you would have been fine if you hadn't gotten distracted when you pushed that little girl out of the way ..." Gabrielle was becoming more and more agitated.

"Take it easy. Easy." Xena turned back to her and held up a hand. "We ... we'll have to talk about this ... all this ... later. But about your leg ..."

Gabrielle winced at what she knew was coming.

"You didn't take care of it, did you?"

"Of COURSE I took care of it! I'd have bled to death if I hadn't taken care of it!" Gabrielle voice had a little edge.

"Oh, you stopped the bleeding, but you mostly took care of ME, didn't you? And traveled in pain for days with that NEARLY untended wound, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did ..." Gabrielle hesitated as Xena's most intimidating glare formed before her eyes.

"What have I told you about always taking care of yourself FIRST?!" The low growl in Xena's voice nearly burst with frustration. "What's the good of killing yourself when you're trying to ..."

"I couldn't waste the TIME! You were hurt so terribly and we had so far to go and ..." Gabrielle stopped angrily. "... and a fat lot of good it did, huh? Stupid, clumsy, inept ..." Gabrielle's throat started to hurt and she couldn't get her voice to work anymore. She turned her head away from the warrior.

"What are you TALKING about, Gabrielle?" Xena grabbed the girl suddenly and whirled her back around.

"I LET YOU DIE!" Gabrielle blurted, loud enough for everyone in the camp to hear her. Ephiny looked up from the fire, then signaled the others to stay put.

"You did no such thing!" Xena could not keep the astonishment out of her voice.

"I did! I DID!" Gabrielle was not crying, but the hysteria in her voice was rising. "I didn't know how to get where you needed to go. I didn't know how to take care of you. Poor Argo did a better job for you than I did. I mumbled and stumbled my way up that mountain and got you there too late. TOO LATE! You were so sick by then you just gave up. You trusted me and I failed you." She finally did start to cry, hiding her face in her lap.

Xena grabbed her by the shoulders, sat her up straight, and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Gabrielle, there's so much more to it than ... we DO have a lot to talk about, don't we?" Xena tipped the girl's chin up and continued. "Don't you know that nobody else would even have TRIED to do what you did for me?! They'd have taken one look at me and written me off then and there!"

Xena shuddered as she looked down at the suffering woman before her. "Gabrielle, it was incredibly brave of you to go off on a journey like that to an unknown destination with a dying ..." Gabrielle looked up at her imploringly, but she pressed on. "... a dying woman and a painful wound of your own! NO ONE could have done more!"

Gabrielle looked up once more at the face she had thought so recently she would never see again. "You could have done it."

"No, under the same conditions, I don't know that I could have." Xena smiled. "You are braver and more stubborn than any person I know, and I am very, very lucky that you call me friend." She held the girl out from her, then pulled her close again and hugged her briefly. "Besides, in the end, you were the one who brought me back ..."

Gabrielle shook her head. "No, not just me, there was Autolycus and Ephiny and ..."

Xena held up her hand again. "I mean, you were the one who made me WANT to come back." Gabrielle looked at her questioningly. "I heard your thoughts, Gabrielle ... I had to come back."

The girl looked at her with real wonder. "Xena, I don't ... I don't think I ... understand ... exactly ... HOW you ..." she stammered.

"Neither do I ... exactly." Xena stood up slowly and stretched. Both friends stayed silent for a time. Finally, Gabrielle spoke again.

"Xena? Why ... if you knew about the ambrosia and all, why didn't you just come to ME and ... and ...???

"That ... that's hard to answer," said the warrior finally. "Where I WAS at first ... it ... wasn't ... a good place ..."

"Xena!? What do you mean, it wasn't ...?"

"No, Gabrielle, I'm not ready to talk about that now ... please, just let it be, OK?"

Gabrielle knew there was no way to get the warrior to talk in such a mood. "OK, but sometime ..."

"Yes. Sometime. I promise. Anyway, it took me a while to ... decide ... and then ... well, I didn't have a lot of energy and I HAD to get Autolycus to get the dagger and the map. You were on the way to Amphipolis and I thought Autolycus could find you and ..."

"Gods, Xena, I'm sorry ... I should never have gone with ..."

"Just wait a minute, OK?" Xena sounded irritated. "Don't go blaming yourself for that. It was your life, Gabrielle, not mine anymore. Just ... just ... we do what we do sometimes ... just leave it." Xena looked at her crestfallen friend. "Gabrielle, it's OK. Really." Xena sighed and sat back down. "Anyway, I guess it WAS dumb not to come to you first but I ... well, you were so upset and ..."

"You heard it all, didn't you? Every crazy thought in my head about you." Gabrielle looked ashamed. "I couldn't even leave you in peace when you DIED, for Gaia's sake. I couldn't even keep quiet THEN." She shook her head and hid her face in her hands.

"Hold on, Gabrielle ... please." Xena ruffled the girl's hair. "You ... I would have gone crazy if I hadn't been able to hear your voice. You kept me company. You were there for me like you always have been. Your thoughts kept me going. I didn't mind ... and I learned a lot." Gabrielle looked up sharply, in time to see the beloved, crooked grin. She smiled back a little uncertainly.

"I don't think I wanna know that part right now."

"OK, we won't go there, then ... but sometime. You promise?" Gabrielle nodded as Xena's expression sobered. "Anyway, I just ... I didn't come to you first because I didn't want to get your hopes up until I thought we might have a chance of pulling it off. It sounds pretty lame right now, I admit, but I just ..."

"... wanted to protect me." Gabrielle shook her head. "Some things never change, do they?"

Xena pretended she didn't hear the girl and stood up again, extending a hand. "Tell you what ... I'm starved. Ephiny said they got some quail for dinner ... sound good?"

Gabrielle took the offered hand and stood up, wincing a little at the stiffness that had overtaken her joints. "Mmmm, roasted quail!" She gave a happy laugh and realized that the idea of food appealed to her again. Then another thought struck her. "Wait, Xena, we ... I ... have this ... this Amazon Queen thing to deal with ..." Suddenly, the young woman looked positively miserable.

"Whoa! I think we've handled enough for a while, don't you?" Xena used her most commanding voice.

"And ... by the gods! We have to get word to Iolaus and Hercules right away! Damn!" Gabrielle bit her lip in frustration.

"What ARE you talking about, Gabrielle? Why should we need to ..."

"Iolaus ... Iolaus showed up out of NOwhere, really, and helped me turn back this band of thugs who wanted to ..."

"Iolaus? What was he ...? Band of thugs? WHAT band of ...? And why didn't Iolaus stay with ...?" Xena began to lose her famed calm as she tried to sort out the swirl of impressions she received during the short, hectic time she inhabited her friend's body.

"He was SO upset when he saw your sarcophagus, Xena ..."

"So THAT'S why I could hear Iolaus ..."

"He was going to find Hercules to tell him you were dead before he heard the rumors! Now Hercules thinks you're ..."

"GABRIELLE! STOP! Stop this instant!" Xena sounded desperate.

"But ... but ..."

"TOMORROW. Please. You're driving us BOTH crazy. Whatever is going to happen will happen whether we worry about it tonight or not, hmm? Oh, and it's WE ... we have this Amazon Queen thing to deal with, OK?" The warrior looked at her friend, who nodded slowly. "Good. Good. Now I'm STILL starved ... and they're holding the feast for us!"

"Feast?" Gabrielle started to smile again.

"That's what Ephiny said it was." As she turned toward the main part of the camp, Xena stopped a moment and put her arm around Gabrielle's shoulders. "We're going to feast with our comrades ... and then ..." The warrior propelled the girl toward the campfire.

"And then?" Gabrielle looked up at Xena as they hurried along to their meal.

"And THEN ..." Xena squeezed her friend's shoulder affectionately. "... I think we BOTH have some storytelling to do."